Celebrating Failure

My Failure

Ever since my freshman year here at UF,  have been working towards a minor in Italian. It was very important and special for me to learn the language, as my mom, and all her side of the family, is from Italy and speaks Italian very frequently.

I got through Intermediate 2, which is the last class of language instruction, and the next step was electives. I took one cinema course and then this semester, I was signed up for a play course. On the first day of class, we were told that we would be expected to all perform in three plays over the course of the semester, entirely in Italian, as well as possibly up to 8 hours of rehearsal time outside of class per week, in addition to a daily diary, exams, papers, etc.

I left class that day feeling quite overwhelmed. I am very poor at memorization, and even if I know something extremely well I often freeze up when the time actually comes to speak. Due to this, paired with the general anxiety I get when speaking Italian, I knew that this class would be extremely stressful for me, especially considering it was not just one play but three. I would spend my entire semester trying to memorize lines in Italian, not to mention all the additional work/outside class rehearsals that I knew would not mesh well with my already full schedule.

Ultimately I decided to drop the course, and as I am running out of time/credits, that means I will not be able to complete my minor. While I still gained all the instructional knowledge possible for Italian and know that ultimately this was the best decision for me, I can't help but feel like a failure as this is something I had been working towards for so long.

Me at the 2015 World Expo in Milan last summer

What I Learned

From this experience, I have learned that sometimes the best decision is the hardest one to make. I know that this semester would have been very stressful and resulted in frequent tears and frustration if I had stayed in the class, not to mention the lack of time I would have had for my other studies. It is important to look at the big picture when making a decision, not just at the choice in question but also if/how it's going to have a domino effect in other areas of your life.

Reflection

In general, failure is hard to handle and even harder to admit. I like to think that I deal with failure relatively well, although I'm sure this is not always the case. I try to see the best in situations and look at the bigger picture of how this failure now could actually benefit me in the future. Often times I have gone through an ordeal, been so frustrated with the outcome in the moment, and then looked back later and been so grateful because I can see all the wonderful things that would not have occurred if not for that one misstep. If ever I am feeling frustrated or discouraged, I try to ask myself how this one thing fits into the grand scheme of my life. More often than not, the answer is that this occurrence is trivial and I realize that it is nothing but a blip that will pass and be forgotten. It is so important to never lose sight of yourself, your goals, and where you're headed in the future because sometimes when you need to pick yourself up, your best motivation to do so is yourself.

Prior to this course, I was already very social, loved talking to strangers, and a bit of a go-getter. So that while I have really enjoyed this course and learned a lot, I would not say that it removed a fear of failure, as I did not really have a strong one to begin with. My philosophy is always to just try/do/ask/go for it, worst that can happen is someone says "no" or that you have to start over. In the past I have missed too many opportunities that I regretted not taking, so that has really shifted my paradigm. I have never once put myself out there for potential failure and regretted it, even if it did result in failure, because I know the greatest regrets come from not trying at all.